Gratitude

Gratitude by Nichole Nordeman Send some rain, would You send some rain? ‘Cause the earth is dry and needs to drink again And the sun is high and we are sinking in the shade Would You send a cloud, thunder long and loud? Let the sky grow black and send some mercy down Surely You can see that we are thirsty and afraid But maybe not, not today Maybe You’ll provide in other ways And if that’s the case … We’ll give thanks to You with gratitude For lessons learned in how to thirst for You How to bless the very sun that warms our face If You never send us rain Daily bread, give us daily bread Bless our bodies, keep our children fed Fill our cups, then fill them up again tonight Wrap us up and warm us through Tucked away beneath our sturdy roofs Let us slumber safe from danger’s view this time Or maybe not, not today Maybe You’ll provide in other ways And if that’s the case … We’ll give thanks to You with gratitude A lesson learned to hunger after You That a starry sky offers a better view If no roof is overhead And if we never taste that bread Oh, the differences that often are between Everything we want and what we really need So grant us peace, Jesus, grant us peace Move our hearts to hear a single beat Between alibis and enemies tonight Or maybe not, not today Peace might be another world away And if that’s the case … We’ll give thanks to You with gratitude For lessons learned in how to trust in You That we are blessd beyond what we could ever dream In abundance or in need And if You never grant us peace … But, Jesus, would You please …

Here I am Lord, send me

After this long night, it will be the time for my now annual checkup to make sure my body is doing a good enough job housing my donor liver and that nothing has turned hostile.

Today is the day I get to remember what’s actually possible and how grateful I am that it hasn’t occurred. …yet…

Every 6 months, I need to get a CT scan and labs done to ensure my body is still cancer-free. We look at organs, tumor markers, you name it – just looking for anything we can find to be wrong.

No matter how much faith I have, how many people I have rooting for me, no matter how much strength I can muster to get through each day, every 6 months I am left in a place I’d rather not revisit.  After all, it wasn’t but a little over 2 years ago when on this visit, I found out a tumor plagued my liver and I’d be instantly put on the transplant list.  What a difference an afternoon makes.  Oh, how ignorance is truly bliss.

The what’s and when’s replay in my mind even when I shoot them down. The statistics of recurring tumors and cancer and even kidney failure as a result of my medications… So many complications wouldn’t be a surprise. I’ve given up on sleep tonight.  I usually handle this better – much better – but lately, I’m just sick of being the patient.

Yet I know even if the worst did happen, I’d get through it just like I got through the past 20 years of sick and surgery and struggle. I’d get through it with my God and the wonderful people He has put into my life.

Aren’t we promised we have nothing to fear? Then why am I curled up in fear pleading with God to knock me out or let the Ativan kick in

This is uncensored real life, everyone. Sometimes there’s just no point hiding behind the wall.  This is me, and when you, God forbid, get to a similar point in your life, you’ll understand.

Please pray for me today for…
1) the stamina to get through a grocery list of tests and appointments
2) kindness when it’s the hardest
3) God’s will be done
4) I maintain an open, accepting spirit. “Here I am, Lord, send me.”

 Kelly Clarkson: Up to the Mountian

Oh, this is what it feels like…

I love you all and pray this away from each and every one of you. ❤  Please pray I get through this, one day at a time.

Aaron Shust – Carry Me Home (Album)

Lord bring me home again
I’m no longer able
To bare the bitter winds
Or the heavy rains
I’ve long been settled
Lord without comfort
Just a man on an earthly throne
Headed for the grave

Carry me home
Sweet Jesus lift me
Until I’ve flown
The shadow of shame
Your love alone
Lord Jesus mends me
Lift me up
Oh Lord carry me home

Lord I’ve been branded
A loyal sinner
Seems like forever
Since I said Your name
I’m just a pilgrim
Still afraid of dying
But the sea is shinning brightly
With Your grace

Carry me home
Sweet Jesus lift me
Until I’ve flown
The shadow of shame
Your love alone
Lord Jesus mends me
Lift me up
Oh Lord carry me home

Casting Crowns – Glorious Day (Living He Loved Me)

One day when Heaven was filled with His praises One day when sin was as black as could be Jesus came forth to be born of a Virgin Dwelt among men, my example is He Word became flesh and the light shined among us His glory revealed Living He loved me, dying He saved me And buried He carried my sins far away Rising He justified freely forever One day He’s coming, oh, glorious day, oh, glorious day One day they led Him up Calvary’s mountain One day they nailed Him to die on a tree Suffering anguish, despised and rejected Bearing our sins, my Redeemer is He Hands that healed nations, stretched out on a tree And took the nails for me ‘Cause living He loved me, dying He saved me And buried He carried my sins far away Rising He justified freely forever One day He’s coming, oh, glorious day, oh, glorious day One day the grave could conceal Him no longer One day the stone rolled away from the door Then He arose, over death He had conquered Now He’s ascended, my Lord evermore Death could not hold Him The grave could not keep Him from rising again Living He loved me, dying He saved me And buried He carried my sins far away Rising He justified freely forever One day He’s coming, oh, glorious day, oh, glorious day Glorious day One day the trumpet will sound for His coming One day the skies with His glories will shine Wonderful day, my beloved one bringing My Savior Jesus is mine Living He loved me, dying He saved me And buried He carried my sins far away Rising He justified freely forever One day He’s coming, oh, glorious day, oh, glorious day Glorious day, oh, glorious day

If everything comes down to love,
Then just what am I afraid of?
When I call out Your name,
Something inside awakes in my soul.
How quickly I forget I’m Yours.

I’m not my own.
I’ve been carried by You,
All my life.

Everything rides on hope now,
Everything rides on faith somehow.
When the world has broken me down,
Your love sets me free.

When my life is like a storm,
Rising waters all I want is the shore,
You say I’ll be okay and,
Make it through the rain.
You are my shelter from the storm.

Everything rides on hope now,
Everything rides on faith somehow.
When the world has broken me down,
Your love sets me free.

You’ve become my hearts desire.
I will sing Your praises higher,
Cause Your love sets me free
Your love sets me free
Your love sets me free

Addison Road, “Hope Now”

FFH – Stop The Bleeding

This song is a beautiful song written by and performed by Christian artist FFH, now  husband and wife duo Jeromy and Jennifer Deibler.  Please go to my blog to read their family’s story and Jeromy’s personal struggle with illness.  Their journey, and how they let God work in their lives, is truly an inspiration to me every time I hear it.  I hope it blesses you as well.

How much farther must I go
Till you say that I’m broken
How much heartache must I know
For you to say, “Enough’s enough,”

How many teardrops have to fall
For you to see that I’m empty
Is the reason for this all
So I’ll admit I’m not so tough

So come and stop the bleeding
I think I finally understand
So come and stop the bleeding
I know you can

How much desert must I cross
Till I come to the Jordan?
I am thirsty and I’m lost
My heart is weak and empty now

So come and stop the bleeding
I think I finally understand
So come and stop the bleeding
I’ve tried to fix this but I can’t

So come and stop the bleeding
I know you can

So come and stop the bleeding
I think I finally understand
So come and stop the bleeding
I’ve tried to fix this but I can’t

So come and bring the healing
I think I’ve had all I can stand
So come and stop the bleeding
If you can 

Come and stop the bleeding
I know you can 

Bethany Dillon – Hallelujah

Who can hold the stars
And my weary heart?
Who can see everything?

I’ve fallen so hard
Sometimes I feel so far
But not beyond your reach

I could climb a mountain
Swim the ocean
Or do anything
But it’s when you hold me
That I start unfolding
And all I can say is

Hallelujah, hallelujah
Whatever’s in front of me
Help me to sing hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Whatever’s in front of me
I’ll choose to sing hallelujah

The same sun that
Rises over castles
And welcomes the day

Spills over buildings
Into the streets
Where orphans play

And only you can see the good
In broken things
You took my heart of stone
And you made it home
And set this prisoner free

Hallelujah, hallelujah
Whatever’s in front of me
Help me to sing hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Whatever’s in front of me
I’ll choose to sing hallelujah

– Bethany Dillon

This is for me, this is for you, this is for a few special friends.  This is for all of you who have come by this site, on purpose or by accident, and need reminded to sing hallelujah no matter what comes.  God is so good.