Before my transplant, I had the opportunity to spend a few hours with a professional photographer, Pam Stepka, and we had so much fun (and talked way too much) as we walked around downtown Hudson.  She shot a bunch of photos of me, both of us fully aware of the upcoming transplant.  Looking back, I’m glad I made the time and then found the strength and endurance to do this. These were done a month before my transplant, and it’s funny because I just don’t know this girl in the pictures.  She’s so different now.  I’ve hesitated to share, I think because I’m not sure what I think or how I feel about these photos, the girl in each one.  I miss the other me, the me in the photos, the me without the gaping incision and immunosuppressant drugs and insanely careful, precautionary lifestyle.  I miss not having to go to liver clinic every other week, getting labs drawn twice a week, and being emotionally tethered to the steroids I’ll be on for the rest of my life.  I miss the days where I didn’t have to record my vital signs into a notebook or call the transplant team for permission before doing anything.  These may just be pictures to you, but the girl in them?  She’s not me, and I think I want her back.

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