In only three weeks, my life has been turned upside down. Yes, years ago we knew a transplant would be our only option, but we never really thought it’d happen.
And now, in three weeks, here we are. We step off a plane from Disney World and enter this world of questions and theories, reassurances and false hope. There was no warning, no gentle preparation. The floor was pulled from beneath our feet and our family forever changed, pushed onto this journey we’re all too scared to walk.
In three weeks, I have gone from unhealthy to critical.
In three weeks, I have gone from suffering in silence to public “sick girl.”
In three weeks, I have had 5 IVs, 3 blood draws, and 1 arterial blood gas.
In three weeks, I have had 2 ultrasounds, 1 MRI (MRCP), 1 CT scan, 1 bone scan, 1 pap smear, 1 upper endoscopy, and 1 lower endoscopy.
In three weeks, I have seen pretty much every breed of doctor, social worker, secretary, and coordinator a hospital could ever put together.
In three weeks, I have cried harder than I did in January, when I thought my life was surely over.
In three weeks, I have shook and screamed and run out of breath.
In three weeks, I have yelled at people I love more than life, cursed the one who counts my days.
In three weeks, I have read more of my Bible and talked to God more than I have in my life.
In three weeks, I have screamed at pharmacists and secretaries so many times, only to break down, apologize, and explain to them how my week has gone.
In three weeks, the highlight has been propofol flowing into my veins, taking me to some invisible place far away.
In three weeks, I have done more, lived more, pushed harder, than ever before.
In three weeks, I have doubted.
In three weeks, I have believed.
In three weeks, I have come to the conclusion that life is entirely out of our control.
In three weeks, I have come to believe deep in my soul that our lives are in His hands, and that in itself is sufficient.
In three weeks, I have learned that with the power in His blood, the next three might just work out okay in the end