With my surgery early in the morning, I cannot find rest. In the meantime, I’ve been reading through some old entires and found this one. God is so close by, even in the dark places, even in the tremors. What mercy.
I don’t have much to say other than I’m afraid. Honestly? I’m tired of all of this. It’s not the life I would have chosen for myself, but as my mentor always reminds me, just like Jesus, we must say, “This is my portion and my cup.” (Psalm 16) As nervous as I am, and as much as I look for God’s glory in all of this, I believe it will end up just fine (Romans 8), and I pray that God would use me and my story to bring Glory to His Kingdom.
Ann Voskamp posted a beautiful article on her blog yesterday entitled The Horse Principle and I dare you to read it right now. A couple lines that resonated with me:
How did he know? That even when we’re broken, we battle onward, all the fixing coming in the moving forward… From where we stand, we can’t see whether it’s something’s good or bad. All we can see is that God’s sovereign and He is always good, working all things for good… My focus need only be on Him, to only faithfully see His Word, to wholly obey. Therein is the tree of life.
“Whatever You may do, I will thank You.
I am ready for all; I accept all.
Let only Your will be done in me…
And I’ll ask for nothing else, my Lord.“
~Charles de Foucauld
Do any of you feel like you’re with me right now? We don’t know why life is how it is, but despite that, we know that our beautiful Lord is sovereign and always good. If we know that, then why should we worry? Has he not come through again and again?
I truly believe: “All the fixing in the moving forward” (Ann Voskamp)
May we breathe in and out, YWHW, or Yah weh, calling our Lord with each breath even when we are too weak to utter words. [How to Breathe Through Hard Times] He is with us, orchestrating something much bigger and grander than we can see right now.
Please pray for me tomorrow (Wednesday) and through the coming weeks as I recover from a very invasive surgery. We are hoping this will be the last. May God be glorified in our sufferings. Only then can we endure the pain with joy and gratitude.
Remember, “God is always good and we are always loved.” - Ann Voskamp